How to Explain Anxiety to a Child
Many of us are currently at home with our children, and whether we’re used to this or not, there’s an added layer of parenting anxiety as we all (adults, children, and teens!) learn to cope with the new normal of staying at home during the COVID-19 outbreak. In this article, we’re here to help you understand how to explain anxiety to a child and how to help your child or teenager cope with anxiety.
This post is extra special because it uses direct advice from our own Dr. Christi Bartolomucci! Dr. Bartolomucci was interviewed by Melony Brown on the “Zig Zag and One” Podcast. A full version of this podcast can be found here, and we encourage you to give it a listen!
Anxiety in Children Statistics
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), “7.1% of children aged 3-17 years (approximately 4.4 million) have diagnosed anxiety.”
This is just children who have been diagnosed. The CDC explains that “early diagnoses and appropriate services for children and their families can make a difference in the lives of children with mental disorders [like anxiety].”
Counseling services like those at Atlanta Innovative Counseling Center can be so important for families struggling with anxiety.
We can help you explain anxiety to your children in a way that makes sense to them, and we can help your child learn valuable skills to cope with anxiety.
What Does Anxiety Look Like in a Child?
Dr. Bartomolucci explains that “anxiety doesn’t discriminate. It can affect young kids all the way through the elderly, and it can coexist with other issues like ADHD. These can play off of and heighten each other.”
Most children aren’t able to articulate their anxiety, however. When we, as adults, feel anxiety, we are able to describe symptoms like a stomach ache, tension headache, or shortness of breath.
Often, children are not able to understand where their symptoms are coming from; they simply notice that they feel upset or have a stomachache.
According to Dr. Bartomolucci, these are very real problems for children--that stomachache isn’t just in their head!
Furthermore, anxiety in children can look like behavioral issues and/or irritability. What’s actually underlying this, though, can be fear and anxiety.
When does anxiety in kids become a problem? Anxiety becomes a problem when it holds the child back from normal life: eating, sleeping, and engaging with others.
How Do I Explain Anxiety to a Child?
Explaining an abstract concept like anxiety to a child can be difficult. Try to use words already in your child’s vocabulary, such as “worry.”
Come up with a fun name for the anxiety (like “worry monster”) so you have a special term to use when talking to your child about his or her anxiety. Personifying the anxiety can also make it real for your little one--it gives a face to the thing that he or she is feeling.
Once you have named the anxiety and thus personified it, it’s important to explain that the worry monster (or whatever name you choose) CAN be tamed. It’s up to you and the child (you’re in this together) to tame the worry monster.
Does My Child Need Medication for Anxiety?
Dr. Bartomolucci is a huge proponent of learning skills for coping with anxiety before turning to medication.
She notes, “my thought is that we need to use therapy to help children learn skills to overcome anxiety.” “If the volume of the anxiety is too high, even with learning skills to overcome it, then medication might be necessary.”
Learning skills to manage anxiety is the first line of defense.
The talented team at Atlanta Innovative Counseling Center, including Dr. Bartomolucci, can help your child learn valuable coping strategies for anxiety, but if the volume of anxiety is too high, it might become necessary to work with a psychiatrist to find a medication that is right for your child.
What Can Parents Do to Help Manage a Child’s Anxiety?
Dr. Bartomolucci provides a useful list of strategies to try with your child to help reduce anxiety:
Take a deep breath.
Be kind and gentle with yourself as a parent.
Take the time to pause and help the child work through it by validating their experience (I can see that this is hard for you).
Begin to work with the child by asking what steps you can take together. For example, if your child is nervous about going to a birthday party, you might say,“we might not be ready to go into the party, but we can drive into the driveway. How do you feel about this plan?”
Help your child think through what the CHILD would do--give them the control over the situation.
As a parent, you’re in “coach” mode, not leader mode--walk them through the strategy that you have built for overcoming anxiety (or the present situation that is making them anxious) instead of saying things like “here’s what we’re going to do.”
How to Help a Teenager with Anxiety
As children develop and grow, so too does the shape and nature of the way they express and process anxiety. As teenagers progress through school, they also have different stressors, such as academic success and the social pressure to look and act a certain way.
What Does Anxiety Look Like in Teenagers?
Some stress is normal, of course, but what signs should you look out for in order to tell if your teenager is stressed or experiencing a heightened level of anxiety?
Dr. Bartomolucci explains that the following can be signs of anxiety in your teen:
Agitation
Frustration
What-if questions (what if I don’t get into my preferred university?)
Catastrophic situations (what if I am stuck at home after High School?)
Frozen/paralyzed (the need to surf the internet and/or binge watch TV instead of dealing with the cause of the anxiety)
Unrealistic expectations for performance (an A isn’t enough; I have to make a 100)
Wondering about purpose (what is my purpose in life)
Perfectionism
Phobias
Panic attacks
Of course this list isn’t exhaustive, but these signs can warn you that your teenager is anxious beyond a normal level of stress. Helping your teenager cope can look similar to the advice above.
For instance, you still want to help your teenager work through his/her problems instead of managing it for them. For teenagers, you want to instill problem solving techniques and then sit with them as they explain what the anxiety looks like. Together, you can work on a strategy to manage the anxiety.
If the strategy that you come up with doesn’t help, or even if it does and you still need backup, therapy can give your child the skills that s/he needs to cope with all kinds of anxiety.
How Does Social Media Factor into Teenage Anxiety?
Developmentally, teenagers are naturally in a place where they wonder who they are and how they fit it. Social media can heighten this to the point of anxiety as teens see “perfect” versions of their friends’ lives.
Some key things to ask your teenager about his/her social media use:
What is your purpose for social media? I.e. do you use it to interact or to get “likes” from friends?
How often do you use it? (stress the importance of moderation in a non-judgemental way)
Do you compare yourself to others when you use social media?
Understanding how and why your teenager uses social media can help the two of you better understand whether or not it contributes to anxiety.
Dr. Bartomolucci stresses the need for moderation and an understanding that most people simply put forward their best angle--social media is not an indicator of real life.
How Can People of ALL Ages Manage Anxiety?
While this article has focused on helping our children manage their anxiety, Atlanta Innovative Counseling Center recognizes the need for managing anxiety for both parents and children.
Dr. Bartomolucci notes that the following activities can have ample benefits for parents and children when they become a lifestyle:
Practice self care in the form of family games, cooking together, talking
Clear your schedule! Make time for downtime.
Sleep! Children need sleep for developmental reasons, and you need enough rest to tackle parenting each day.
Focus on good nutrition. Make healthy meals and snacks together.
Slow down the busy-ness
It’s okay to take breaks and have fun!
Write, journal, and meditate together
Get out into nature!
Exercise (this can be as simple as getting outside to take a walk)
Dr. Bartomolucci notes that “the opposite of anxiety is joy and laughter! This is important for kids, teenagers, AND adults!”
