Parenting Anxiety: Seven Tips to Help You Cope
Let’s face it: parenting is hard. From the moment you conceive that tiny human, you, as a parent, are hardwired to worry about their health and well-being. Are they growing properly? Are they eating enough? How are their social skills? Is their vocabulary developed enough? The list goes on and on.
You might be experiencing a whole new level of this during COVID-19, too. As parents, most of us are not used to homeschooling while holding down full-time jobs (or being around our children 24/7). We’re also worried about the physical safety of our family as we watch the virus spread.
The feeling that we aren’t doing enough for our kids, being present enough, or keeping them safe enough can be heightened as we stay home with them to avoid the virus.
So, if your stress level is through the roof, this article is for you!6 We’re here to support you with seven tips to help you manage your parenting anxiety and stress.
Parenting Stress
What, exactly, is parenting stress? According to psychologists, “parenting stress is the distress you experience when you feel you just can’t cope as a parent. The demands being placed on you are too high. You don’t have the resources to meet them” (Deater-Deckard and Holly et al, qtd. In Parenting Science).
We all have varying levels of support as parents. Some of us have grandparents who live close by and are active participants and babysitters for us. Some of us have higher socio-economic status and can afford a nanny or a regular babysitter. And for some parents, none of these are an option.
Additionally, the temperament of the child(ren) makes a big difference, too, as well as their level of health. For instance, your first child might have been incredibly easy going and have good physical and emotional health, while your second might struggle with anxiety and ADHD.
[Editorial note: for more on managing childrens mental health, see our article on this topic.]
It’s important to recognize that no matter the level of support you receive or are able to afford with your children, and no matter the temperament and health of your children, parenting can be stressful any way you look at it.
All parents have unique battles and struggles, and we all feel parenting stress in different ways and at different times. You are not alone.
Signs that You are Experiencing Parenting Stress
In our current moment, it may be difficult to single out what exactly you are stressed about. Is it the economy? Is it the spread of the virus? Is it being quarantined with your spouse? Are you experiencing parenting anxiety? Is it ALL OF THE ABOVE?
The answer to that last question is probably a resounding “yes,” but this article is about parenting stress (sorry, we can’t fix the state of the world however much we wish we could!). So how do you know if your kids are part of your stress?
Ask yourself the following questions:
Are you maxed out as a parent?
Are you having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep because you are worried about your kids?
Is your fuse much shorter with your children than it usually is?
Do you long for adult company?
Are you drinking more alcohol to cope with your children’s behaviors? And if you are, check out our article on tips for sobriety while in quarantine.
Do you find yourself worrying that you aren’t available enough to your children, or that you aren’t making them happy?
If you’ve answered yes to any of the above (and trust me, many of us are answering yes!), you’re likely experiencing parenting stress.
Here’s the most important thing, though: experiencing this stress DOES NOT make you a bad parent. It makes you a parent who is doing his or her best to provide a safe environment for your kids.
Take a deep breath. You’re doing the best you can, and that is enough.
Stress Management for Parents
Now that we’ve established that it’s okay to feel anxiety and stress as a parent, and that most parents do feel this way, let’s talk about seven ways to manage this stress:
Don’t Ignore Your Stress. According to Parenting-ed.org, it’s important that you learn to control your stress, rather than letting it control you. Instead of ignoring your stress, acknowledge it and name it. If your two-year-old got into a pack of sharpies right before your work deadline, then allow yourself to feel and name that stress.
Have a Plan for Stress. Once you’ve named your stress and acknowledged how you are feeling, put your “parenting stress plan” into action. Perhaps your parenting stress plan is to hand off the two-year-old to your partner or spouse for 30 minutes and let them handle it while you plug away at your deadline (and vice versa when your partner needs support). Or, perhaps your plan involves parking the kid in front of some educational television for an episode or two. No matter what your plan involves (that part is up to you and your circumstances), stick to it.
Make Time for Fun. Many of us are so hyper focused on getting our work done and parenting well that we forget to just have fun with our kids. Plan a weekend hike or set up a kickball game in the back yard when you all need a break. Grab some crayons and a big sheet of paper and color your dreams for things you’ll do when quarantine is over. No matter what you do, make sure that your focus is just having fun.
Try and Maintain a Sense of Humor. The Center for Effective Parenting suggests that “a sense of humor is critical in helping people handle stress...people who can laugh at themselves tend to be able to handle stress more effectively.” This means that when your toddler emerges from somewhere in the house covered in sharpie markings, or when your dog has chewed up one of your shoes because he isn’t getting enough attention, just have a good laugh. The marker will come off (eventually), and you have tons of shoes.
Identify Your Strengths. As parents, we often tend to focus on the negatives; e.g. “I didn’t spend enough time with my kids today” or “I really let my daughter down by not wanting to play dolls with her for the millionth time.” But, guess what? Focusing on what you are doing RIGHT as a parent is a much more effective way to get you through your day. Take some time to identify the ways in which you are a good parent. Do you tell awesome bedtime stories? Are you focused on making healthy food for your kids? Do you prioritize their education and spend tons of time on math homework? Whatever it is that you’re good at, make sure you recognize and name it. Your kids already recognize it; we promise.
Take care of Yourself. The phrase “Self Care” gets thrown around a lot these days, but it really shouldn’t be taken lightly. Stress can lead to all sorts of physical ramifications in the body (headache, fatigue, nausea, diarrhea, depression, insomnia, high blood pressure, etc), and no one needs these issues while trying to parent. Try and formulate a plan for self care during stressful times and stick to it as best you can every day. If this means that you wake up 30 minutes to enjoy a cup of coffee alone, then do that. If it means that your partner watches the kids while you exercise, then make that a priority. It doesn’t have to be a long amount of time; it just has to be time where you are the main priority.
Seek Help When You Need It. If you are feeling overwhelmed and stretched thin as a parent, there is no shame or stigma in reaching out for help from friends and family, or reaching out for professional help. A therapist can help you work through your stressors and provide clinical, evidence-based methods for reducing your stress and helping you become the parent you want to be. Most counseling centers are offering Telemental Health options for therapy, which means that you don’t even have to leave your house to get help.
Seek Help When You Need It
Atlanta Innovative Counseling is Here to Help!
If you find yourself asking “should I go to therapy?” we’re here to help you. Atlanta Innovative Counseling Center has multiple, licensed therapists who are ready to help you work through parenting anxiety and stress.
Reach out to us to find out more. We’re already proud of the parent you are and stand ready to help you identify your unique parenting strengths, as well as to help you work through the stress of being a parent.