Today we celebrate fathers everywhere, and not just fathers with biological children. We celebrate “bonus dads,” godfathers, step fathers, uncles, and anyone who identifies as a father to children they love.

Today is your day, and we hope you feel loved and appreciated by the children in your life.

Many parents are spending quality time with their families today, which is wonderful! On the days we struggle as parents, it’s important to think back on this quality time.

At Atlanta Innovative Counseling Center, we want to provide guidance for engaging with your children in deep, meaningful ways.

So enjoy your day today, Dads: we celebrate you! On this day dedicated to you, we hope you’ll take some time to consider your role as a father and even how to be an even better dad.

The Role of the Father in Child Development

Our society puts a strong emphasis on the role of the mother in the development of our children. Part of this stems from the biological fact that it is her body that is responsible for the literal physical development of the child.

But the role of the father (or father figure, we are using these terms interchangeably) cannot be emphasized enough in terms of the emotional development of the child.

According to the organization Child Crisis Arizona, there are 5 main ways that fathers impact a child’s development:

Dads increase intellect. In fact, “studies show that children with fathers who were actively involved throughout the 1st year of their child’s life perform better on cognitive development assessments and demonstrate an increased capacity for curiosity and exploration.”
Dads boost confidence. Children with an active father figure “demonstrate a greater tolerance for stress/frustration, less hesitation/fear in new situations and an increased ability to resist peer pressure and stand up for themselves.”
Dads provide someone to look up to. According to Child Crisis Arizona, “Fathers provide a positive male role model for their children and help to promote/reinforce good behaviors. As a result, children with more involved fathers tend to have fewer behavioral and impulse control problems, longer attention spans and a higher level of sociability.”
Dads provide new perspectives. As we all know, children have tons of questions, and often “mothers and fathers approach these questions in different ways. Active parents with different approaches to parenting can be a great way to expose children to a broad range of thinking and problem-solving.”
Dads provide stability. While we know that all families look different and that not all families have a father-figure, we also recognize the role of the dad (or second partner) in providing love and stability in a child’s life. “Having dad as a steady source of love and encouragement helps ensure that children grow up happy and healthy, with high self-esteem.”

Tips for Engaging with Your Child

Now that we’ve established the importance of fathers in child development, you might be asking yourself how you can contribute in a positive way to your child’s development.

As parents, we constantly question whether or not we are doing a good job of raising our children. Asking yourself this question means that you are already doing a good job! Worrying over your child’s development and happiness is an inherent part of parenting.

No matter how much you might already be doing with (and for) your child, you might want to consider the level of engagement in these activities.

What we mean by this is, how present are you when you’re around your children? If you feel distracted when you’re around your kids, or if you feel unable to connect with them when you’re with them, one thing to think about is how engaged you are.

We can all afford to be more engaged in our relationships--not just dads! But if you are actively seeking ways to engage with your child, we have you covered with five tips for a deeper engagement with your little one(s).

Spend QUALITY Time Together

Many parents feel like activities that they do with their children have to be elaborate or cost money to be “fun.” We’re going to call the bluff on that one.

Quality time does NOT have to be expensive or elaborate. It simply has to be time that you have specifically set aside to engage with your kids.

This could include a family game night, a trip to the park where you commit to pushing swings and playing hide and seek, or an afternoon in the yard where you teach the kids to push a lawn mower (if they’re old enough, of course) or weed the flower bed.

Teaching moments are great ways to spend engaged time together!

2. Set Aside Distractions

One of the most difficult parts of modern parenting is setting aside distraction-free time.

Our jobs, social lives, and other responsibilities often filter into our children’s lives in the form of text message notifications, phone calls from our bosses that we have to stop and take, etc.

To be very clear, we are not reprimanding you at all for answering these messages, emails and calls. They are part of a normal, successful adult life!

However, it’s important that we set aside distractions when we spend quality time with our kids.

This can take several forms, such as:

Designating an hour or two each evening to be phone and laptop free.
Not bringing your phone to the dinner table.
Hiking or camping without your phone.
Making a conscious effort not to text or scroll social media when around your kids (or making an effort to cut down on that time).

3. Plan Activities You’ll ALL Enjoy

Part of the myth of parenthood is that once you have children, you’re suddenly relegated to ONLY listening to kids’ music in the car, or that Blues Clues and other kids shows are the only TV you’ll ever watch again.

Guess what? It doesn’t have to be this way! Take some time to introduce your kids to age-appropriate things that you and your partner enjoy, too.

For example, perhaps you have a large record collection. Teach your children all about the Beatles (or whatever music you’re into) by playing Beatles records for them and having a dance party in your living room. Bye bye, Baby Shark.

Of course, this is a two-way street. If your children are old enough to have their own opinions about music or television, spend time watching something that they like after your dance party.

This way, your children will be exposed to something you enjoy and vice versa. Everyone wins, and you all learn something about each other.

4. Strengthen Your Relationship with Your Partner

For fathers who co-parent, one of the best ways you can work on your relationship with your children is to set an example of a good relationship with your partner.

Even if you are separated or divorced from your spouse, showing your children that you are making an effort to get along and parent together goes a long way in terms of connecting with them and modeling what responsible relationships can look like.

Doing activities together as a family is a great way to show your children how committed you are not only to engaging with them, but also with their other parent.

What activities does your family enjoy doing together?

5. Remember that Mistakes are Okay

One of the things that parents struggle with the most is making parenting mistakes.

Perhaps you forgot that it was your turn to pick up your son from daycare, or you went to the grocery store and came home without the special treat you’d promised your child before you left. You might have forgotten about the school play or answered your phone when your child was trying to tell you something they felt was important.

No matter what level of mistake you’ve made, it’s important that you 1) acknowledge it to your child by apologizing and 2) show them that you’ll make it right.

For instance, let’s say that you forgot the treat, and your three-year-old is having an epic fit as a result.

Instead of becoming angry with child, use this as teaching moment: “I’m sorry I forgot your treat, buddy. I was busy making sure I got everything on our grocery list that we need to eat this week. How about we go for an ice cream later?”

This gives your child the opportunity to learn that even her dad makes mistakes--but that he will work to correct them.

Showing our humanity as parents is one of the best ways we can engage with our children.

Final Thoughts on Engaged Fatherhood

Parenting is hard work, and we support all parental figures here at AICC. Sometimes engaged parenting can require extra support besides that of a partner and a support system, however.

If you are struggling to connect with your kids, or if you are struggling from parenting-related depression and anxiety, please know that these can be normal parenting issues, and we are here to help.

Many of our therapists are child and family specialists who would love to help guide you on your parenting journey. Contact us for more information about how we can help you reach your parenting goals.

How to be a Better Dad: 5 Tips for Engaging with your Child